*sigh~ Life is hard…
In a few more days, I’m flying to Qatar to work as a web designer for 2yrs. This would be my first long flight, farthest place I will ever be and the longest span of time that I will be separated from all my loved ones here in the Philippines.

I’m excited to be in another place, with the new environment,to be fully independent & of course with the pay that would really help my family from this financial crisis but there are a lot of things that worries me & since the day of my departure is fast approaching, it bothers me big time that it keeps me up all night.

I’m worried about my mom. She’s aging & isn’t that healthy anymore, who will take good care of her? My brothers don’t care a bit about her. They would still disobey her & get all stubborn. They don’t even care if she cries, who would calm her down from all their attitude? Who would accompany her if she needs to go somewhere else? She feels like fainting at times so she shouldn’t leave alone. There are tons more things I worry about her. Just thinking about it breaks my heart already. It makes me want to just have a homebased job so I could stay beside her at most times.

A lot of things can happen in a day,what more in 2 years? I know it’s just me & my paranoia. I wanna relax & totally erase this kind of thinking.

Before all this happened, the process I went through were really though & are very challenging. I prayed to the Lord & told Him, “If this is for me, make it happen. If it isn’t for me, I wouldn’t mind at all.” It is happening but this is just the beginning of all the challenges I would be facing.

How do I get through all these worries? I sometimes think how lucky the rich people are. They go overseas, part with their loved on3s for a short while, to spend for vacation & shopping, with only the worries if the heater in the hotel room functions well & if the bidding of their fave designer bag has ended. But then again, as was most say, not all rich people are happy with their family relationships.

It really is more fun in the Philippines. Though this 3rd world country lacks a lot, this is my country, this is my culture, my family is here, this is where my heart is. But with the financial crisis  my family is facing, I have to endure letting go of the culture tjat I got used to. I have to face all my worries & fears.

I wish human beings have this button to switch “numb” mode on & then I’ll switch it off once I’m already there in Qatar.

*sigh~ this is just my 3rd blog entry but it’s this long already. It’s 1:21 am and after this writing, my mind still seems preoccupied.

Pray for me, that I’ll have the strength to face these worries,physically,emotionally & spiritually. Pray also that all my loved ones always be safe from whatever calamities, hardships or challenges they may encounter.